Passion
by Liz6
Summary: A look into Liz Parker's mind after "Departure"


Title: Passion  
Author: Liz (Jujubes06@aol.com)  
Catagory: Max/Liz  
Rating: 'R' for strong language  
Summery: While watching "Departure" I wondered what might be going on in Liz's mind. How did she feel about the revelation which was in front of her. Would she just forgive Max for hurting her so deeply? This is pretty much a look into Liz's mind about the events that happened after the fact.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.   
Author's Note: Thank you to Rachael, Meli, Mist and Laura. You each helped me with inspiration, or some kind words.  
  
  
"I have to save my son." His son. The words tugged at her heart, causing it to ache furiously. A tremor of hate twisted distastefully in her stomach, bile rising in her throat. She had been strong...for so long. At first lying to Max. And then what happened with Alex. Standing by and seeing the man she loved, loving someone else. Strongly, publicly. The kiss at prom exchanged between him and her has replayed in Liz's mind a million times. And when that wasn't playing it was something else. It was Alex. Alex telling her to be strong. To not ever give up. And she hadn't. Oh Alex...She never had. But she couldn't be strong any longer. She couldn't stand here and watch this. To her right was Michael and Maria. So different, so in love. He had come back for her. The boy who had never fit in had given up the chance for her best friend. And Max was going to go. He was going to be the ever-dutiful husband. He was going to desert her. He was to never going come back to her. Their last goodbye, all truths had been revealed. A kiss solely based upon need. Matters aside, it was necessary. One last time.   
  
He clutched her firmly at his side. His eyes blazing as he had said those last words. His son. The record in Liz's head was permanently stuck on that. She looked up at him, and felt weak. And disgust in the pit of her stomach. At what he had done. To her, to Alex, to everyone. She hated him more than anything. She wanted to scream, to throw a furious fit. Her skin crawled where he touched her. She needed him off of her. He was disgusting. After all he'd done...all he'd caused. And he wanted her to just condone this? He fucked her. He fucked her and he wasn't careful. And now that bitch was pregnant because he was negligent. He had a condom in his wallet for god's sakes! Didn't it cross his mind to use it? She needed away from him. He was telling her that he loved her. Whispering that things were all right. Talking softly, as he stared down at her, a look of relief across his face. They could finally be together. Had he even asked her what she thought? Liz's thoughts blurred. Her knees grew limp, she just needed to sit...To let go. She needed to let everything wash over her.  
  
She felt his strong arms around her...She used to enjoy the feeling, she used to feel safe. Instead she felt nothing. Only empty. Hollow. He looked down at her again, his deep brown eyes scanning her face. She managed to smile weakly. He smiled too, and kissed her on the forehead. It burned her skin. He told her it was time to go. She nodded. Time to go. Time to get away. She needed to get away. From him, and from everything.   
  
Liz could see Valenti waiting. She felt Max pull her to Valenti, never letting his grip falter. She heard them talking. Washed out and far away...All she could think of was how to get away. She watched as Kyle climbed into Tess's silver jeep. She had left it for him. Her eyes pleaded to him. Please. Please Kyle, save me again. Save me from him. She slipped out of Max's embrace. Untwining her fingers from his. She could hear his conversation stop for a moment. Felt his eyes on her. His eyes were worried, no doubt. And pained. Good. She wanted him to hurt. Hurt so much he felt like dying. Hurt as much as she had. She had reached Kyle. She saw that Isabel was sat beside him in the passenger seat.   
  
"Is Max...?" Liz shook her head at him. Max was not coming with them. Max would get a ride with Maria, or Valenti. She didn't care who. She let herself into the back of the jeep, and slammed the door closed. She heard her name coming from his lips. Lips that had once been for her. Only for her. Those lips weren't hers anymore. They had discovered, searched someone else. In places that they had never searched her. He said it again. Kyle glanced at her in the rearview mirror.   
  
"Go," she whispered hoarsely. He nodded. Thank God he nodded. She stared into the desert. The vast din of light brown sand. Watching it pass...The miles faded into each other. No one spoke. No one cared. They stopped. It was where she got out. The Crashdown. She glanced up to see the gawdy 3-deminsional sign glowing above them. She opened the door slowly, not saying a word. Isabel followed her, telling Kyle to wait a moment. Liz looked at the girl.  
  
"Thank you," Isabel's shaky voice whispered. Tears ran down her perfect ice queen face, shattering an illusion of many. Pedestrians watched as they stood. Looking at each other. "A-Alex...He...I loved him. And I never got to tell him that," Isabel's shaky voice started. "I was so stupid. So frivolous. I still can't belie-He..." she choked, trying to finish. "He would want to thank you. For finding out the truth. And I'm sorry. Sorry that I couldn't admit it. And that I confronted you like that." Liz nodded. Her heart tugged again. Isabel hugged Liz gently. "Thank you," she choked, and then got back into the vehicle. Liz nodded. Kyle gave her a curt nod in response, and then peeled off down the road. Liz stood just staring for a long while. Not knowing what she wanted. Where she was going. Home wasn't right. But maybe it was...She could be alone. Alone to be weak. To let it go.   
  
She climbed the stairs slowly. One by one. Her feet were as heavy as cement blocks, dragging them one by one. A daze...Thats what she was in. Her hands fumbled the keys and opened the front door. Her parents were gone. Away in Phoenix...A wedding or something. Not that it mattered. She pulled her shirt over her head, and then her bottoms. She felt dirty. Grotesque. She removed the remaining clothes, and turned the knob to her shower. And waited until it was hot. Not warm...but scalding. She hissed softly as she stepped in, letting the water sting her body. And she scrubbed. Hard.  
  
She took a towel off the rack, and looked down at it. God, not that one. She dropped it like a hot coal. Kyle remembered the Y-pool when he saw it. She remembered Max. Everything reminded her of Max. She grabbed a towel from below the sink, and dried herself off. Then she pulled on a pair of khaki shorts and a black tank top, throwing her wet hair into a pony tail. She wiped the fogged-up mirror and stared at her image for a long moment. Her face was ashen, eyes bloodshot, dark circles surrounding.   
  
She walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom. She glanced around slowly, curiously, as if she was seeing it for the first time. And she felt a bubble of anger rise up inside her. Hatred. Pure, tormenting hatred. For Tess, for Max, for herself. And this unknown planet. She had never asked for this bullshit. She had been normal once. Once she had been Liz Parker, sophomore, honors student. Now she was Liz Parker, hollow and empty. Dazed and confused. Dead. But she wasn't dead. Not like Alex. But she wished maybe....Tess had hated her. Why had she killed Alex? It had been an accident, is what Kyle had said. But Tess had known. She felt it in her heart that Tess had known. She took down the pictures of Alex. All the clues, all the secrets. Everything. It was morbid, and demented to keep the shrine to her best friend. One by one, she ripped them down. Carefully, though. Careful not to rip them, because they were precious. More priceless than gold. He would not be forgotten. Ever. He would be loved, kept tucked away in a box, maybe. But remembered. Memories are what kept him alive. And she was full of them.   
  
The last item was placed in the box, and slowly stored in her closet. Alexander Charles Whitman would never be forgotten. She felt dizzy again, weak. And she knew that it was time to let it out. Alone, in her room. She sank to her knees, letting the tears flow freely now. Violent sobs wracked her small frame. She was frustrated and angry, full of resent and self-loathing. She hated everyone and everything. And she could feel him approaching. She knew he was there. She could sense him. Her temper flared, rage erupting through out her. "Liz," he said softly, climbing through her window.   
  
She ignored him. "Liz," he said, squatting down beside her on the floor. Sobs continued to attack her, but they were less controlled, angry. "It's okay, Liz. I'm here," he whispered, caressing her hair. And she needed free from this loathsome boy. He felt wretched and disgusting. Liz jerked away, standing up swiftly, a fire in her eyes which he had never seen before. A look of pure hatred. And it scared him. "L-Liz?" he stammered, standing up too, staring into those angry eyes.   
  
Her jaw tightened. Clamped into place she had trouble getting any words through. "Get...out," she growled.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
"Get out!" She said again, this time louder, meaner. Hateful. His eyes clouded over, hurt and confusion.   
  
"Liz, I-"  
  
"Get the hell out!" She screamed, surprising even herself. He shook his head, not understanding. And suddenly she hated him more than anything. She hated him, and this room that reminded her of him. She hated her life and her family and her world. She hated herself.   
  
She picked up a stuffed animal off her bed. He frowned at her, unsure of what was going on. Only knowing how fragile she was. "GET OUT!" She screamed again, and threw the stuffed bear at him. The bear he had given her. She moaned lowly, in the back of her throat. And she pushed him. "I said, get out.." she growled again.  
  
"Liz, please, just talk to me. Please...Tell me what's wro-"  
  
"What's wrong?!" She spat. "What the hell do you think is wrong, Max?! I'm just supposed to sit here and let you just..." She stopped. She owed him nothing. Not even an explanation.   
  
"Liz, please," he pleaded, stepping towards her.   
  
"I hate you!" She screamed, slapping him. Hard. He held his hand up against his face, shocked. Liz had hit him. A look of pure horror flickered across her face, what was she doing? But she had hit him...And it felt good. She couldn't stop. "I hate you!" Liz screamed again, pounding him hard in the chest. "I hate you!" She chanted hysterically, beating him over and over again with her fists on his chest. Sobs wracking her body, fire in her eyes...Tears flowing down her tired ashen face. He just stood there. Amazed. Not feeling physical pain. But emotional pain. For him, for her. This beautiful creature...His Liz. Was crazy. Crazy with rage. Rage for everything.   
  
Her fists subsided...tiring, her tears taking over....She pounded one last time before resting her clenched fists against him. She breathed heavily, panting from her outburst. He caught her wrists in his hands. And she looked up at him her eyes wide. Had she just done what she thought she had? She looked into his eyes, his soul. And she knew he was hurting for her. Not himself, but for her. "I love you," he whispered huskily. She nodded. She knew. She loved him too. So much. But this anger...This torture...It was unbearable. Undeniable. She was drowning in it. The passion. Passionate hate, and love. She pressed her mouth against his hard, attacking his lips hungrily. He released her wrists, and she crushed their bodies together. The kiss was overwhelming. Pure lust, pure attraction. Pure desire. She needed to be closer to him, closer still. She ripped off his shirt breathlessly, kissing his neck, his chest, his lips. Everywhere. He moaned in the back of his throat, feeling the explosion of feeling between them. He attacked her collar bone, kissing up to her jaw, Liz drowning in need. She buried her fingers in his short dark hair, enjoying the feeling of him. Enjoying the excitement, the thrill.   
  
This was not the same as a kiss between them had ever been. Max had always been tentative, asking permission, no matter how much he wanted her. But this was so illicit, unruly...Primitive. Something entirely different. "Max..." She moaned lowly, his hands running up and down the small of her back under her shirt. He pulled it over her head, revealing her lacy black bra. "Max," she cried again, her voice thick. She pushed him against the wall aggressively. "Please," she pleaded. "Please." He felt so good. So deliriously wonderful. For a spilt second she cared. The thought of Future Max flickered through her mind. But she knew she'd changed it. She knew this was right. How could this not be right?   
  
He caught her eye, and she acknowledged him. Yes. Yes, definitely, her eyes pleaded. Thats all the consent he needed.   
  
Liz woke early, before her alarm. It was set to go off at 7:00. The sunlight streamed in her room, reflecting on the wall. She rolled over slowly, to look at Max. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe they had done...what they did. She felt herself blush even as she thought of it. She hadn't been herself yesterday. It was as though someone scary and wild had taken control of her body, and...caused her to do those things. But that wasn't it at all. It was her. All the bottled up emotions made her snap. She had been crazy with rage last night. If Max hadn't have been there...She might have hurt something. Hurt herself. She stared at his bare chest, rhythmically rising and falling. Light bruises spattered across it. She had hurt him.   
  
He had hurt her once. Only once. When he was going so crazy because of Tess. When she just wanted to find out the truth. He had grabbed her. His fingers dug into her skin, and left bruises. That was the first time he'd ever taken out his anger on her. And last night....was her turn. Her stomach churned with regret of what she had done. Not with him....But to him. He would heal himself, no doubt. But even still. It wasn't right. She loved this man more than life itself. She had seen the flashes...Tess...Had him under her control for months. Slowly at first, but then willingly he began to believe things. Then the attraction. She had even seen the night at the observatory. Tess's body entwined with his, kissing, touching...making love. But it wasn't really. When you made love to someone it was because you loved them, and he hadn't. He hadn't loved her. She had seen it all. Felt it all. His guilt, his anguish. And it made her feel better. He hadn't really slept with Tess. Not in her mind. It was part of Tess's mind games. Thats all it had been.   
  
She looked back down at the bruises on his chest. She kissed his chest lightly, "I'm sorry," she whispered.   
  
He opened his eyes to her touch. "Don't be." He kissed her softly on her lips. "I deserved it." She bit her lip, and snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feel of their embrace. "I love you," he whispered in her ear, raw emotion in his tone.   
  
"I love you." They lay there, not uttering a word for a while.   
  
"I saw what happened. With my future self." He told her. She nodded. "Liz, that is more than I would be able to bear...You gave up...everything."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You shouldn't have listened to me. I was desperate. We could have found a way. Why did you not try to find a way? Why did you listen to him?"  
  
She smiled at this, and looked up at him. "It was you," she replied simply. He laughed. It was so nice to hear him laugh again.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
